In case people are wondering.

On the off chance that the people that visit my site are, “loyal” followers. I think its my responsibility to inform you that, as you may have noticed. There was no 'Out of Beat' this week, and there is no 'The Return'.

This is because there is currently going to be a slight hiatus on the blog, and a longer hiatus of 'The Return'. This is in part, due to the fact that I'm not only in the process of moving to Toronto, but also MC'ing a wedding. But also I need to make a larger back log of 'The Return' before moving forward. To keep you all interested though, here is a few things to POSSIBLY look forward to in the future.

In the blog, I'd really like to talk more about Comics. I've always been very critical of Films and Television, but never much of comics. This probably has a lot to to do with the fact that I've never really had anyone to talk to about comics. Speaking of which, I want to encourage people to READ comics. So I may do a blog or two on how to get into reading comics.
Also subjects of nostalgia are always hot tickets. So I may jump back in time, and revisit, over analyze, and critique some old cartoons. Any excuse to watch 'Samurai Pizza Cats' really. Its also safe to say there will be more 'top fives', on subjects personal, and subjects universal.

Regarding the comics. I have a pretty big back log of 'Out of Beats', and a lot of 'The Return' is written, a fair bit is pencilled, I just need to get around to inking, and lettering the pages.

That is all for now. I'll try to pick up again some time next week, thank you for being patient, and even more, thank you for reading. Also, any feedback you may have to improve the site, likes or dislikes, feel free to included to them in the comments below.






 
I have slight hoarder tendencies. I own a LOT of crap, some of which serves no purpose. I have drawers full of loose sheets of paper, with scribbled notes, and drawings, and blank sheets... I have plans for them. I swear some day I'll use them.
I develop personal relationships with the strangest things, so quickly, its embarrassing. This has lead to me not only having lots of general shit, but some particularly weird shit.

Number 5

Starting with the least weird, is something I picked up while staying at Super 8 motel. My buddy discovered it in the washroom while releaving himself. And when he showed it to me we quickly debated about who would get to keep it, since it was, to us, hilarious. I've had this item for 3 years now, posted on my wall of random shit.

That item is a long paper bag, labelled in a wispy pink font, as being for, the 'disposal of famine products'. Like I said, I've had it for 3 years, and I feel its the least weird thing on this list.

Number 4

I remember when I was younger I had this magazine from when the Spawn movie came out in 1997... Okay I still have that magazine. But that’s not the item in question. Through out that magazine was pages full of Spawn toy adds, which I loved perusing. I never bought a single Spawn Toy, but I looked at them all the time. OFF TOPIC TIME!

You know how on the back of action figure boxes, they always had their catalogue of figures? Basically a big add for the other toys you could buy. Well I'd always open the action figure boxes super carefully, so that I could keep the adds and look at the toys. One time I bought, what I remember being a 'Transformer' toy, and I had kept the back of the packaging.
I figured my mom wouldn't understand why I wanted to keep it, so I hid it away from prying eyes, under my television stand. Periodically I'd sneak a peek at the toy adds, like I was sneaking a peek at a play boy, then slide it back under.
One day I got home from school and went for my dirty little secret, and it was gone. My mom must of found it while cleaning, and threw it away. I was so sad. THE END

Anyway! The Spawn movie magazine also had adds for movie character cut outs. Mostly Star Wars characters. I was so into the idea, of not just having a life size Chewie, in my room, but ANY superhero, or movie character at all! This interest in owning a cut out proceeded with me long after. And three years ago, that dream of having a cut out came true...

Yep... I have not only a life size cut out of, Savage Lion Man, but Social Savage Lion man. He watches me sleep. Its slightly unnerving, when I forget about him at night, and walk into room only to see a shirtless man in the shadows. I often call out, “John Stamos?” but its never him. Its just the Lion Man. Always, just the Lion Man.

Number 3

You watch enough cheap science fiction, you become pretty accustomed to hearing, stock sound effects. The same old, laser sounds, and Wilhelm Screams.
Have you ever wonder how they make those sounds of the universe? Do they have some kind of 'Ultimate Cosmic sound machine?' or something?... Well yes they do, its called a 'Zube Tube', or in layman’s terms, a 'cardboard tube with a spring inside.'


Here is a demo reel:

My Zube Tube, was given to me by a former tenet, who found it in the trash. Why would anyone throw out something so fantastically awesome? I have no idea. Because making noise is not only fun, it appeals to everyone!... Except the deaf, I guess it wouldn't appeal to them...

Number 2

Our minds are funny things. We love to find patterns, in things that have no patterns, and see things that aren't there. Most notably we love to see faces. Its the thing we're most accustomed to seeing, being that we're humans.

I think the second thing we most often identify is probably... genitals. Our minds love to find dicks and vagina's where there are none. Look at your hard wood floor, and tell me you don't see a vagina in the grain, or look at a vegetable garden, and tell me its not just a bunch of, dirt covered cocks. We all love, faces and genitals.

One day, my friend, and I, were watching television, and eating delicious Cheetos. When I requested that he huck one across the room to me. I had no idea what I was in for. What landed in my hand was not a Cheeto. It could only be described as... a Pheeto. As in, a Cheeto, shaped like a penis and balls.
Neither one of us could bring ourselves to eat the damn thing. Either out of respect for it, or the fear of being called gay. I know if he ate it, I'd immediately lambaste him for being a 'Little orange cock eater.”
Regardless, the Pheeto was sealed away into an air tight bag, and has for ever been in my care... for going on five years now. And I have no intentions of getting rid of it. I'd eat my cat, before I ate it.

Number 1

You know those horror stories, where people order a big mac, bite in, and theres a severed finger in their sandwich? Or people bite into a chicken finger, and there is a bit of beak in it? Well... something like that happened to me, and for some strange reason... I kept what I found, AND finished what I was eating.

I once bit into a chicken ball and... out from it popped... this BIG, OLD, CHICKEN!... feather. Yeah it was weird... Never being one to complain about food,(especially since I know this particular restaurant doesn't make the chicken balls, they order them frozen, then cook them),
I just put the feather in my hat, and called it macaroni. Then soldiered on eating my Americanized Chinese food.
I actually placed the feather in a small salt packet, and carried it around with me for a few days, showing it to whomever would listen.

When I grew bored of it, I couldn't simply throug it away. I had grown attached to the little guy, we had gone through so much. So it now rest in air tight bag, on my wall, of random shit.

I'm actually going to ask a question this week, to anyone that is reading. What is the weirdest thing you own? Where did you get it? Why do you still have it?

 
Every great horror movie should have that cryptic stranger who knows whats going on. That guy that in the beginning hints of things to come. That guy who screams 'You're Doomed!' at the cast of cannon fodder.
I love that guy. I've secretly always wished that I was that guy. Anyway, Its my birthday, the last thing I usually write is actually the intro. So I'm not going to waste much more time. So here is my top five, un edited (so ignore the glaring errors of grammar((lol))) Here is my top five “You're Doomed!” guys.

Ripley – Aliens

Most 'You're Doomed' guys are minor characters, who make only a momentary appearance. They get in, lament about how fucked you're going to be, and get out. Its their job to act as a trailer for things to come. You have no idea who they are, or how they know what they know. The only thing you can be sure of, is that they're right.
None of that applies for Ripley, cause not only is she the 'You're Doomed' guy of 'Aliens', she's also the main character.

In the first movie we see the crew of the Nostromo systematical killed off by the Xenomorph (The Alien of 'Alien')... Now I'm going to avoid spoilers for most of these movies, but I don't think that saying Ripley survives 'Alien' is a spoiler, since... well, there was four sequels starring her.
At the start of 'Aliens' (The sequel is just a multiple of the first), we hear Ripley giving a few speeches about how the Xenomorph is super dangerous, and that it should be avoided at all cost! You'd be mad to go anywhere near it!
She then goes on to ignore her own warning and proceeds to go straight for it! Now, I know there was more to it. But, this is a very unique duality to the character, she fills not only the role of the warner, but also the dumb ass that ignores the warning!

Ol' Judd – Pet Semetery

The best 'You're Doomed' guy is usually, old, and wise, with knowledge of a dark past, that is bound to repeat itself.
O'l Judd of 'Pet Semetery' (intentionally spelt wrong), is exactly that. Except... that dark past he knows about? That wouldn't have actually repeated itself if he had just kept his old hick mouth shut. But you know how the elderly are, they just like to have someone to talk to.
Judd blabbers about the mystic Indian burial ground to his neighbour Lou, and they even bury Chruch their cat there. The results are a psycho zombie kitty! Lou asks, “Has anyone ever buried a person up there?”
O'l Judd expands on the story, telling him, “Some times, dead is better.” But this warning, again, would not of been needed, if O'l Judd had just shut the fuck up! Why blabber about the evil, Native American, burial ground, in your back yard? Old people that talk like that get put in the home! Way to drop the ball Judd.

I didn't want to spoil the movie, even though its been out for years. So instead of a clip of Judd I have the Music Video for the film. I haven't watched it, so I'm just assuming the video is spoiler free...

Randy – Scream

The first 'Scream' is not only is a great slasher movie, but its also a top notch comedy. Mostly since every single character in the movie is aware of the conventions of slasher movies. Especially, Randy, who may not be old, but he is defiantly wise beyond his years... well at least, wise beyond his own movie.
Randy sets up the 'rules' of the genre, for everyone. Which essentially is a serial killer check list.

Had loads of sex? Your dead.
Drink and/or do drugs? Your dead.
Say you'll be back? Your dead.

The rules of the slasher movie are put in place because slashers are supposed to be fun, we don't want to see people we LIKE be mutilated, that’s no fun. So bullies, drug addicts, and fornicaters are the targets. Are those people evil, and deserving of death? No. But they go against social norms.
Slasher movies are extremely conservative for that reason... I mean, yes, the Friday the 13th movies showed a lot of boobs, which seems liberal. But this liberal behaviour is always met with death, and Randy makes sure we know this.



See that? Randy is so on the ball, his mind so far out of his own movie, and thus beyond his own existence, he even implicates himself as murderer.


Addie – American Horror Story

When I heard that the guys from 'Glee' were doing a horror themed TV show, my first thought was the choreographed 'Thriller' zombies, wearing clothing from the Gap, in a school club run by their third period Spanish teacher.
What we got instead was just as awesome, 'American Horror Story', featuring the finest actress with down syndrome, I've ever seen, Jamie Brewer. She plays Addie, the 'You're Doomed' guy of 'American Horror Story'.

Most 'You're Doomed' guys, either scream at you about how you're going to die, like a mad man, or give long winded speeches, Addie keeps her shit simple.

“You're going to die in there.”

That's it, that's all she gives you. And its creepy as fuck. She says this a few times, offering up no more info then that. Just plain and simple. 'You're going to die in there,' no idea HOW, but its certain to happen.




 

I don't know how the conversation had come up, it was probably one of those brainless late night conversation on the phone, but my girlfriend had asked me, “Which comic book character am I most like?”
It didn't take me long to select Kitty Pryde of the X-men. Not only physically does she remind me of her, but they share a plucky, sarcasticness coupled with a great intelligence (Kitty Pryde for computers, my girlfriend in science). She then asked me, which comic book character I was most like.

That was tough. Physically I guess I kind of look like Foggy Nelson, a character that is just below sidekick in the comic book ranking system. But I only look like him by default, since in comics there is no 'chubby' characters for the most part, they're either extremely fit, or extremely out of shape. Regardless though, its more important that you relate to a character on a personal level. But I have very little in common with these fantastic characters.

At least that's what I thought, until I was sitting on the toilet reading issue 74 of Amazing Spider-man, as collected in Essential Spider-man volume 4. The comic features the introduction of African American Hobie Brown who I STRONGLY identify with. There is nothing I'm more familiar with then the plight of a African American in the 1960's... Wait that's not right.

Hobie is a professional window washer, something I did for years, but he wants more... which is something I've wanted for years. This comic issue has two pages of dialogue that nearly completely mirror a conversation between me and my girlfriend, between Hobie and his girlfriend.

Hobie, is a cool cat, but where he is in his life just doesn't jive for him. You dig? What Hobie wants to do is be an inventor, where I want to be a writer (comic books in particular), we are both creators. Hobie spends much of his free time inventing, I spend most of my time writing. There are those similarities, but mainly its the discouragement hes experiencing. Cause the white man is keeping us down!

Here is a quick snippet of dialogue from the comic, pretty much word for word what my girlfriend said to me.

“You've got to snap out of it, Hobie! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! I know how clever you are... How great you are at inventing things. But you're still young! It takes time to be discovered, time to reach the goal you're trying for. Okay, so you're just a nowhere window cleaner! Whats to stop you from giving it your all? Why not bring some of your new ideas to the man you work for? What do you have to lose!” - Amazing Spider-Man issue 74, by Stan “the Man” Lee (And yes, true believer, he did give himself that nickname).

After that verbal lashing form his girl Mandy, Hobie sucks in his gut, and fluffs up his cock, like a real man and takes a shot at getting his inventions out there. He decides, whats the harm in trying, and shows off his inventions. Thats something I struggle to do, I have a hard time even telling people that I want to write comics, and an even harder time showing my actual work off to people.

I share that fear Hobie has, no one wants to look like a fool son! So we curl up in a ball, and protect our soft spots so, that no one can judge us. But it gets us nowhere fast! How can I be down about my comic writing career, when I've really hardly tried.

And its not like I don't have some resources, I am in correspondence with published writers, and have minor access to an editor, but I never approach any of them for advice due to a self imposed fear of rejection, or appearing as an annoyance.

When it comes to submitting to publishers that have a open submission policies, I'm apprehensive. I always tell myself that the project I'm working on isn't ready, and that its not the right time for me to be sending out that particular script, just lame excuses. But then I'm put into a self induced funk by my lack of progress! Its frankly pretty whack!

Thats part of the reason of this site, to get me out there. Its a baby step. I'm producing work that can be seen by the public, while allowing me to maintain some kind anonymity. I have on here, my blog, which is as far as ratings are concerned (I can see my sites traffic) the main event. Then their is 'Out of Beat' my gag comic strip which gets a fair bit of attention, and last is 'The Return' which has had a huge raise in ratings since I moved it to Thursday (I don't know why I thought Friday was a good day for it. It sucks for TV, so it sucks for web comics).

But there is a next step, I need to draw more attention to my site, I need to get it even further out there, and raise my traffic up by a dozen or so people. Its something I'm going to need to figure out. All I know is I will not ask for 'Shares', 'comments' or 'Likes', cause to me, if people wanted to do those things, they would. So I guess that's what I need to do, improve the site enough to get those 'shares', 'comments' and 'likes'. Maybe if I view more of Hobies experiences I'll find my answers...

Oh... That honky rejected his ideas for new window washing equipment and Hobie is in a fit of depression. He's worried his girlfriend wont love him anymore and hes running out of money... Groovy! He's going to use his inventions and become a Super hero... Actually Hobie thinks that becoming a super hero will take to long, so he becomes a super villain called the Prowler instead. Its kind of a rapey name, but nowhere near as bad as John Ramita's original name for him, 'the Stalker'. One of his weapons of choice is a knockout gas, I kid you not. He was originally going to be a man named 'Stalker' who wields a chloroform like gas as a weapon.

Hobie's plan is to steal from the Daily Bugle, make a big show of it and get a lot of attention. Then as Hobie Brown, he would return the stolen goods, playing it off as if he retrieved it from the Prowler after defeating him. Hopefully this media attention would give him the chance he needs to promote his inventions... There is very little logic tucked under that afro of his.

At least now I know what to do when the comic writing thing doesn't workout. I'll dawn a costume and become a super hero.

'The Coongar rises' anyone?

 
Since its Easter Monday, I'm going to do a sort of holiday special of sorts, and talk about Christ... well not really. Christ figures.
Literature, comics, movies, all forms of story telling all involve Christ figures. Heroes that die a martyr, and return in a time of great need. Some obvious, well known ones are, Superman, Aslan from Narnia, and Harry Potter. Some seldom thought of Christ figures are E.T, John Connor and OPTIMUS PRIME! Who will be the main focus of this all.

I don't know why Christ figures are used so often. Its very possible that its simply a easy to go to story convention for a epic, like the standard formula to a love story. They meet, they love, they hate, they love. Perhaps its just an easy way to give your story some depth, or steer up some controversy.

The strange thing is, I honestly feel like most people don't look for depth in what they watch or read. People just want to enjoy, not think critically. Thinking critically is what you do when you're writing a book report, not during a pleasure read. How many people finished watching 'T2: Judgement Day' and related it to the bible? Not many I bet, even though the allusions to the bible are smack dab all over the thing, beginning in the title.
Anyway, before I go way off topic, I just want to summarize what this is all about. I don't understand why we use Christ like figures. I just know that my favourite story of death and return is Optimus Prime baby!

Disney had certainly prepared me for inevitable off screen deaths of my parents. But nothing had ever prepared me for the death of a hero, nothing truly ever made me aware of my own mortality, until... The death of Optimus Prime.
Most cartoons would falsely kill off their leads in the climax, only to have it revealed that they were only momentarily incapacitated. Its a pretty simple trick, a gasp of disbelief by the audience, followed by at thunderous applause of triumph! Tell me if this scene sounds painfully familiar and cliched.

Our bland hero and the evil step mother that happens to be a dragon, are locked in combat on the edge of a cliff! The hero gets the upper hand, and is about to deal the killing blow! But being that hes the hero, he refuses! Seeing this moment of weakness, the evil step dragon attempts to sucker punch Prince Bland! And just as the blow is about to be delivered, the cliff edge gives out and they both appear to fall!
The heroes friends, who have acted as spectators during the fight, all let out a gasp, and instantly begin to mourn the hero... But then! A hand grabs onto the cliff edge! And the hero throws up his arm, a soft smile on his face. “Can I get a hand?” He ask.

Its a lame trick, since its really a 'Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame me.' type of thing.
We wised up on the gag, and realized “Our parents are fucked, but the hero (we) always come out on top.”
Then I rented 'Transformers the Movie'. The first few minutes of this movie feature Prime kicking ass and taking names, in a action scene that trumps all of Bay's... Until a rookie dick by the name of Hotrod, interferes as Prime is about to take the kill shot on Megatron. This results in Optimus being fatally wounded.


All of that happens before the movie hits the ten minute mark. Having already caught on to the faking a death trick, I wasn't shocked at all. Prime would be transforming and rolling out in no time... but then this happens.

“Okay, you got me. Now hit him with a few volts and revive him, we still have a hour left of this movie... He's not coming back is he?” Then came the tears.

Prime was dead until a season three, two part epic, co-written by comic book legend Marv Wolfman, 'The Return of Optimus Prime'.
In Optimus Primes absence, leadership of the Autobots and the protection of Earth was left in the hands of Hotrod, now known as 'Rodimus Prime'. If you remember, it was Hotrod's fault that Prime was killed in the first place...

He wasn't the first choice to be leader, don't think he was even the second or third. I remember that Ultra Magnus was the first choice, then it probably would have been Kup, and then Bumblebee.
To me, they're kind of the Peter, Luke and Matthew of the Autobots. Hotrod was more like... Judas. You know since he kind of fucked Optimus over.

Anyway, through a series of events Hotrod becomes Rodimus Prime, and through his leadership, the earth becomes rapidly infected, by a terrible disease caused by space spores, called 'hate'. It causes everyone to not only be a jerk, but glow seizure inducing red.
With the majority of the Autobots now acting like ass holes (Rodimus the dumb fuck included) there is only one solution, Optimus must return.



This is actually pretty close to how it goes down.

Being resurrected Optimus takes little time for himself, he jumps straight to renaming Bumblebee without even asking. Cause it doesn't matter what you think your name is, what ever Prime calls you, that's your identity.
Optimus Primes plan is simple, find Rodimus and rip the fucking matrix out of his chest. What the fuck is the matrix you ask?

The Autobot Matrix of Leadership (sometimes the Creation Matrix) is an artifact of great power, traditionally carried by the leader of the Autobots. By most accounts, it holds a part of the essence of Primus, the creator-god of the Transformers, although much about it, including its exact composition, remains a mystery. It generally appears as a hollow, spherical metal shell with two handles on either side and with a core sphere of bluish crystal at its center. - Transformers Wiki

Part of the matrix is the combined wisdom of all who have ever possessed it. Using it, Prime is able to heal all the hate in the world using the knowledge contained in his heart! A simple feat for him since you know... He has the touch.

There are some certain parallels between Christ and Prime in the fact that they die and return in a time of great darkness. But their are some glaring differences, like one of them is giant robot that transforms into a truck, and the other is a scrawny Jewish guy, and Jesus apparently died for our sins, and Optimus died so they could... sell new toys. Beyond that though, I think you'd really need to nitpick.

 
This time next month, I will be strutting around with a massive erection. One that simply wont be contained, and is impossible to repress. Because May fourth is the day that 'Marvel's Avengers' hits theatres.
I have no doubts that I'll love this movie. Marvel Studious handling of their film franchises has been brilliant. Where the WB (DC) has never been able to have a success outside of Batman and Superman, Marvel has been able to bring their relatively obscure characters into the lime light.
I'll say with certainty that I'll probably love 'the Avengers' more then 'The Dark Knight Rises', though 'The Dark Knight Rises' will probably be the better film over all but I've always 'made mine marvel' so Avengers just has an edge (I'll talk more about 'TDKR' and Batman when its closer to being released).

Though to be honest, my comic book exposure to the Avengers is limited to crossovers, big events, and cartoons. I've always been more fan of Marvel's merry mutants (Geek Translation X-Men). According to the opening blurb at the start of the film 'Unbreakable' the average Comic collection is 3,312 comics. I haven't counted them all, but probably around 800 of my comics are X-men. Thats counting individual issues in collected volumes, and single issues, not digital copy's (Legitimate Digital Copy's bought in a store), counting digital copy's its around 900. That's a big chunk... No wonder my last book shelf broke into pieces...

The second and third biggest pieces of my comic collection are Daredevil and Punisher, third biggest being Batman and (The biggest draw to the Avengers for me) the Hulk. Every single piece of Hulk footage I've seen so far, has given me chills. I love the hulk. My issue count on the Hulk would probably be around 300 (Digital included). But beyond that, I've had a Hulk poster above my bed for years, and a Hulk cut out sits above my TV. I want to see the Avengers for the Hulk.

That's enough of me gushing though. I actually have a small little history/film/interesting thing... to talk about... Okay, not my greatest transition, and defiantly not my clearest thought, so...

Some people are saying that nothing like the Avengers has ever happened before in film. Characters and actors from different franchises, coming together to duke it out. Thing is though it has been done, it was actually done 69 years ago... Nice.

Back in the 30's and 40's, super hero movies weren't really a thing, they existed as movie serials and radio plays mostly. What the world had instead was MONSTERS. The Universal Monsters to be exact, named after their studio.


They had a list of characters based mostly off of classic literature and folk lore, Frankenstein and his monster, Dracula, the Invisible Man, Wolf man, the Mummy. What a cast of characters! And they all had their own series of films, and they were huge!

And of course they had to meet at some point. 'Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man' was the start of the franchise crossovers of the monsters. They later went on to make 'House of Frankenstein' and 'House of Dracula' which again brought the monsters together to battle it out.

Now obviously 'The Avengers' had a lot more thought put into it as film franchise, the monster mashes had hardly any continuity between them. The monsters would die in the end of the movies, and with no explanation be alive in the next. But still, the principal concept is the same. And the point is that it has been done before in film.

Also people are annoyed when actors drop parts... Like how Ed Norton all of sudden looks like Mark Ruffalo, or Batman in the original series. If that bugs you, let me draw another comparison to the Universal Monsters that may make you feel better about it.

The monster movies had ALOT of the same actors in them, and some times... they liked to switch roles. Seemed like everyone needed a turn at each monster. So as long as we don't have Chris Hemsworth stepping in for Robert Downy as Iron Man in 'Avengers 2: Avengers with a vengeance' we have nothing to worry about.



 
I read an article the other day on MSN news, about 'remakes'. It was called something like, 'Second time isn't the charm' or something? It was about remakes that failed at the box office compared to the originals (adjusted for inflation).

I'm usually against re-makes, with some very specific exceptions. Like I'm fine with continuously remaking comic book movies... since, well, they aren't really remakes, they're 'reboots.' And it kind of just fits the nature of the comic book beast, since comics are a constantly 'rebooting' and 'retconing' things all over the place. And there's also adaptations of cartoons, and books and video games, and it really depends on how 'pulpy' the property is. Every once in a while though, there is an adaption of a novel or comic, that transcends the original format, and becomes its own entity, and should not be tampered with. Easiest example... 'Gone with the Wind', you could remake 'Gone with the Wind', but you shouldn't.

To me, movies are an 'art', and in 'art' a photocopy of a painting isn't worth as much as the original. Follow me? Worth even less, is someone untalented attempting to copy a painting with there own brush and canvass.

Thats not what I'm really talking about though, I'm actually talking about, a slight pet peeve of mine. Which is how people criticize remakes, not the fact that people DO criticize them, but HOW they do it.
People love this line when talking about remakes, it was used in the MSN article that started this whole thing actually.

“There’s no original idea's left in Hollywood!”

Actually, yes there is. Theres lots in fact. Thousands of screen plays are written a year, and the mass majority of them are original concepts, they simply don't get made. You know why?... MONEY. MOVIES ARE MADE FOR MONEY.

We see a trailer for a movie, we go pay and see the movie. They make back the MILLIONS of dollars it took to make the movie, (and some), and they go on to make another movie. And the process begins again. The reason they do remakes, sequels and adaptations is, its a tested property, one that they can be sure they'll make their money back on.

They don't re-make movies that weren't a successes in the first place, they don't make sequels to movies that didn't make money, and they don't adapt books like 'The Hunger Games' because the story is good. The do it because they already have an audience. They don't need to win you over, that already have you, before the script is finished.

Movies cost an insane amount of money to make, out of all the forms of art, its the riskiest to create. You need a note book and pencil to write a poem, but it takes hundreds of people, with different skills, hundreds of hours, with lots of equipment, to create a film. (Granted you can do a film for cheaper, with less hands but were talking a Hollywood block buster).

If you're Joe Producer and you've given people your money to make a movie, don't you want it to have good odds of making your money back? If yes, you want a tested property, AKA: A remake, sequel or adaptation. Not something original, because original is risky.

Its very simple. There is plenty of idea's in Hollywood, they're just being repressed. Who is to blame for this?... Well... Everyone is. People like familiarity, we don't like strange or different, we want something we can peg on sight, now more then ever because... Well the cost of going and seeing a movie is so high! We want to know what we're paying for, no surprises. That's why the tell you who is involved in the making of the movie, its called name recognition, “From the Director of 'Two girls one cup' comes a film about love.”
If what we get is to different from what we expect, or like, we'll feel ripped off, like all those people that went to see 'Drive' thinking it'd be like 'Fast and the Furious'.

We'll see it, and hate it, then go on facebook, twitter or our blog and proclaim “Drive suxed! So boring! #Iwantgenricmovies.” You in that moment become a self published reviewer, and everyone on your feed is going to go, “Jimbo Johnson says 'Drive' sucked. I guess I wont see it.”


I know it seems stupid, and unlikely, but mass communication plays a huge part in the theater life of a movie. It used to be a that a shitty movie would last on the screen a few weeks before word of mouth spread of its shittyness. But now we can reach hundreds of people, who we would never even imagine talking too, by making a 6 second facebook comment.

We are speaking to Hollywood with our money. And what our money is saying, is we want another genericly painful romantic comedy staring Katherine Heigl. We want another Vin Diesal peck fest. We want another Super hero movie. We want the same'ol, same'ol. And Hollywood is listening.


Oh! Almost forgot. Congratulations at the Razzies Adam Sandler.