Rebecca Black has released a new single, to which most of the world replied with groans of annoyance. Having heard only a smudge of the song, I can say that its no where near as annoying as 'Friday' was, and of course, will not be nearly as successful as 'Friday' was.
Believe it or not, she made a some decent coin off her song 'Friday'. As of March 2011, she had made 40,000 dollars. Seems that we all mocked her all the way to the bank.
I was eavesdropping on some strangers one day... judge me all you want... And I over heard this college girl talking to her mother about Rebecca Black, and about how there's all these poor kids that put videos of themselves online and are bullied for it. If I had been apart of that conversation I would of said, “No. They're bullied because they suck.”
You spend some time looking around on Youtube, you'll find some seriously talented people, who are praised for their skills. You'll also find a bunch that suck, who are criticized and mocked.
Obviously I do not support bullying, or... cyber bulling. BUT when you're performing, when you're presenting yourself in a media, or to the public... You'll be judged. In fact, you're ASKING to be judged. The moment you upload yourself, singing a cover of 'I Touch Myself' by Divinyls, you're putting yourself in the sights of millions of people. And... well, not everyone is going to like you, some will down right HATE you.
That is the risk you take by opening yourself up to world. You have to be aware of that risk. It takes a degree of confidence, balanced with stupidity to put yourself out there. Which are attributes that are very powerful in the younger generations, you know since, criticism is being flushed out of schools. But thank god for the internet, where everyone can criticize, without the fear of being face to face with the subject of criticism.
Naturally I'm way off track from where I'd like to be. Since, this post is in fact about... Rebecca Black, and how her song, is on my list of top five worse songs I've ever heard, and how its actually #5. Meaning this list is actually more like... four songs WORSE then Rebecca Blacks 'Friday'.
If you aren't already tone deaf... you'll be wishing you were. HERE WE GO!



Friday- Rebecca Black

Its stupid, plane and simple. The lyrics are retarded, everything in the video is so cliched that I thought it was a joke first time I saw it. Its bad... But its also done by a 13 year old girl.
She has no idea what shes singing about, this girl doesn't know what 'partying' is. What she does know is the days of the week. Is her music anything special? NO its not. But neither is half of the music on the charts. So shes not an AMAZING singer, and its kind of stupid that her parents would fork up all that money for such bad song. But in the end she made back that money, and some.
Besides, what do you want a 13 year old girl to sing about? Sucking dicks and snorting coke? Shes a wholesome, stupid, teenage girl. This is what she should be doing. Besides... Shes nowhere near as bad as the next few on this list.


3-second rule - Lisa Gail Allred


No one is sneaking a peek at you Mrs. Allred. You're like a uglier Long Island Medium, except instead of faking a career as a psychic, your faking a career as a singer. She reminds me of a comedian, who would, record his sets.
He'd often play back the tape, and question; “Where did all those laughs I heard go?... I swear I killed it.” He couldn't hear the laughs because, well... they were in his head. How does Lisa Gail Allred hear a recording of herself and go, “Yep, I can hit some downright angelic notes.” I mean look at her... is that the face of sanity?
Much like 'Friday' I heard this song and assumed it was a joke. Since first an foremost, she resembles that dog from Lady and the Tramp? You know, this one:
And Second, well... she clearly can't sing. Listen to her back up vocalist. They just don't give a shit and with good reason, the back ups cant out shine the star.
Of course, like all horrible things that make me laugh, this isn't a joke.

Kris Jenner/Kardashian 'I love my friends'

People always say that there is no talent in the Kardashian family... aside from booty shaking, while being ploughed from behind. This video proves that... right. Completely right.
Here's a shocker, you know how Rebecca Black's parents payed the bill for her music video? Well Robert Kardashian gave his wife Kris the money to make this little gem of video as a birthday present. She then, in a stroke of genius, gave the writing duties to her three children. This is back in the day when Kleo was nothing but a Ewok.
In the video she visits all of her friends, who she loves. Her friends consist of people that... serve her, in her day to day life. Like the guy at the cheese cake factory, or her gay hair dresser. My personal favourite is O.J 'I didn't do it' Simpson. Looks at his face, as his smile fades away, that's the look of a killer. They really should have used this as evidence.

Double Take – Hot girls

Ever just have too much time on your hands? Double Take has twice as much time on their hands. They decided to dedicate an afternoon to making a music video chronicling how hard it can be to be a 'hot girl.'
Their lyrics are as bad as Rebecca Blacks, but they aren't protected by their age, and their vocals are as horrendous as Lisa Gail Allred's. You know, like a cat sitting on a power drill, er, I guess two cats sitting on a power drill in the case of Double Take.
If you watch the video and think, this must be a joke, you'd be right actually. In a interview Double Take was asked, “Is this a joke.” They answered in a awkward manner, “Well... I guess its a kind of a joke.”
The joke is, the lyrics. Its supposed to be a 'funny' song, can't you tell? Weren't you doubling over in hysterical laughter? Thankfully, the songs humour was salvaged by how fucking awful they are. I think double take can benefit from a double tap to the back of the head.

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

Well, Kris Jenner's husband paid for her music video, and Rebecca Black's parents footed her bill. I'm sure you all know who paid for Willow Smiths.
If you're thinking Will Smith, you're wrong. WE'RE ALL PAYING. Every time this song is played the hole in the ozone layer grows an inch. The earth is attempting to commit suicide because of this fucking non-song.
I hate very few celebrities. Rarely do I see the point in it. I made a jab at Kristen Stewart, but I don't hate her. I don't hate Micheal Bay or Shia Lebeouf. I do however HATE Will Smith and his whole fucking brood.
Will and Jade Smith are pieces of shit in my eyes. They're trying so hard to manufacture their kids into super celebrities, that they should just change their names to Disney.
Now its nothing new that celebrities kids try to gain fame off their parents names, but a lot of the time they at least pull their own. They audition, and work to get where they want to be. Yes their last names help, their connections help, but their parents rarely go. “Here, I'll pay them off to get you that part.”
Willow Smith wasn't discovered by some talent agent! Her dad handed a blank cheque to some dude and said, “Make her famous!” And this is what was produced. In short... Its exactly what happened with Rebecca Black. The difference being Rebecca Black actually did some fucking work.
The reason this song is worse then all the rest, is because Willow Smith has a fucking unlimited resource in her parents. And she's clearly a spoiled brat, so with all that, she could have actually MADE something WORTH IT. But instead she did this trash!
There is something seriously wrong when Jimmy Fallon can improve on your song.

 
Last year it was announced that 'The Simpons' was being cancelled. This news, created some conflicting feelings for me. I love 'The Simpsons', its always been there, but like a elderly pet, or annoying grandparent, its gotten to the point where I'm ready to put it down.
We later found out that the cancellation of 'The Simpsons', was just a tactic by Fox to pressure the voice actors to take a substantial pay cut. This pay cut has resulted in 'The Simpsons' getting renewed for two more seasons. Again, I have mixed feelings.
Like I said, the yellow faces of Springfield have been around for my whole life. I've watched the show weekly for 23 years... okay, lets be fair, I probably didn't cognitively watch it until I was like, four or five. Still though... a long ass time.
'The Simpsons' at the beginning, (as its own series, not on the 'Tracy Ullman show'), was a satirical slice of the American middle class. The early seasons of 'The Simpsons' were genius. Norman Rockwell, for the 90's, with a whole lot of yellow.
Over time though the show succumb to gimmicks and guest stars. There was frequent changes of showrunners, but it wasn't until the era of Mike Scully (season 9-12) that the golden age of the Simpsons ended.
That is not to say, there wasn't still good episodes, just not as frequently. There was a gradual change in the humour of the show. Witty, subtle, satire, grew into wacky out of this world humour, and ridicules slap stick. These different facets of humour were always present, but not always as prominent.
That's something about the show I have to acknowledge. The show never stopped being funny, it just stopped being... 'The Simpsons'. It lost its balance of humour and heart. You watch a modern episode of 'The Simpsons', and the first ten minutes of the show are a write off. Its just random gags, that distracts from the plot. The episode starts, and from what the first 8 minutes suggest, you think episode is about, Apu being annoyed by Homer shopping at a different chain of grocery stores. Even the episodes title suggest it... but really its a episode about street artist Banksy, made... like a year after Banksy was popularized on the internet.
The problem with 'The Simpsons', is that its attempting to be topical. People compare the show to 'Family Guy'. People like to say that the show is trying to be like 'Family Guy'. But I don't buy that. I think that someone influential said it, everyone thought, 'that sounds like smart, critical thinking... perfect bandwagon to jump on.'
No, the show isn't much like 'Family Guy', no more then 'Family Guy' was like 'The Simpsons'. Cause if you recall, 'Family Guy' was originally called a rip-off of 'the Simpsons'. Either way, I think 'The Simpsons' is more like 'Saturday Night Live', or 'South Park'. Both shows are topical comedies, and in the case of 'SNL', there is a reliance on guest stars, and musical guest. This doesn't work for 'the Simpsons', because unlike those other shows I mentioned, an episode of 'the Simpsons' isn't produced in a week. It takes 6 to 8 months to produce a finished episode of the Simpsons. You know what that means? Those “awesome” topical episodes, are dated. And thus... not actually topical.
If this season of the Simpsons had ended up being the last, do you know what the last episode would have been?

Springfield is rated the town with the lowest self-esteem, so Lisa and Lady Gaga set out to raise everyone's spirits—through the power of a flash mob. 

First off, it would have been a Lisa episode. Second. Remember how last year flash mobs were cool? Well its not last year anymore. And to a lesser degree, as a member of the general audience, I care even less about Lady Gaga then I did when she first bleeped onto my radar.
Lady Gaga, is not how the show should have ended. We have two seasons left, why not make them count? Bring back past writers and show runners. Lets hear all the different voices this series had again, and bring back some of that gold. This series should end with fireworks, it shouldn't drift off into the night quietly.
The last Sunday night this show airs, should have EVERYONE, with their asses bolted to their seats, watching the triumphant finish of one of the greatest shows ever made.

UPDATE:
I just finished watching the episode, LISA GOES GAGA. And I have to say... Its probably the worse episode of the season.
The description given for the episode isn't even accurate. Lady Gaga, raises Springfield’s sprites by singing a 2 and half minute song about how, “Were all special, in our own way!” You know, contrived bull shit like that. But Lisa is still sad, since shes been voted most unpopular kid at school.
So Gaga, who has psychic abilities to predict unhappiness... For real... decides she must help Lisa. The flash mob in the description is a lame 30 second gag. The episode is an awful,PR stunt by Gaga. One of the easiest demographics to get a hold of, is the downtrodden. Just faking you give a shit, is enough to satisfy the masses.
This episode was so shallow. Sincerity was so vacant from this episode, it was painful to watch. Its the problem with having a guest star. You couldn't do an episode putting down Lady Gaga, and expect her to actually lend her voice to it. You have to build up your guest stars like they're fucking gods. And its SO annoying.
Its something 'South Park' has always gotten right. Do awful impersonations of celebrities, and really take the piss out of them. This episode was just pure trash, but at least it started a plot line and kept going with it.
The second last episode of the season, NED'N EDNA'S BLEND, starts with a SIX AND A HALF MINUTES! of Homer getting the role in the church passion play as Jesus, Homer worrying he may not remember his lines, Homer doing the play, and Homer accidentally injuring Ned, which leads to the reveal of Ned and Edna are married.
WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE FIRST SIX MINUTES! IT DOES NOTHING! Its pure filler, that has nothing to do with the actual plot of the episode. Its frustrating. GOD DAMMIT! Pick a narrative, and stick with it.




 
Picture
I've mentioned at least on two occasions, that I have a hate for He-man. He was my hero, then I realized he was a dweeb of the highest order. Lets examine He-Man, and his alter ego, Prince Adam.
Lets begin with the hair cut. Its tough to have shoulder length hair, and come off as a bad ass. There are a few examples. Riggs from Lethal Weapon, Snake Plissken, Chewie.
Prince Adam though, is just holding himself back with that do. He's setting himself up for an up hill battle, the moment he pulls out his scissors, and cuts his bangs straight.
Lets move to that thing his hair is framing... His face. The animation in He-Man used a technique called, 'Rotoscope'. Where Animators take live action film, and draw over it. Giving their characters very realistic movements.
This technique didn't extend to He-man's facial features, though. He is nearly expressionless. Fucking Kristen Stewart can emote more then He-man.
Lets get back to those movements. Rotoscope is awesome, He-Man's movements are spot on, unfortunately his 'moves' are lame. The dude has a sword, he has a super, sweet sword. Does he use it ever? Of course not, that would only make him a bad ass.
Frankly, He-Man had one hope to over come his hair cut, and it was slicing off limbs with his magic sword. But no! He hardly even punches the bad guys. What he does is... Grapples. He hikes up his fuzzy undies, and wrestles, or, if I may, 'r'astles'.
He-Mans number one tactic is, pick up his enemy, raise them high above his head, (Or 'a loft') and throws them. Which is impressive, I can agree on that. Its a heck of display of strength, it blows my mind when figure skaters do it. But he's a warrior of good, not a member of the icecapades.
Week, after week, he is attacked by Skeltor and his cronies. Week, after week, Greyskull is in danger. But he wont even punch the guys. He tosses them away, which again is impressive, but not a permanent solution, its just a rough inconvenience. Its the move your dad used on you when rough housing in a pool, (rough pooling?).
Anyway, do you know what he does instead with his magic Sword? Prince Adam holds it; 'a loft'. Which is a wieners way of saying, 'above my head'. And uses it's magic to turn him into the all powerful, He-Man. What does this transformation in-tale? Does he get bigger? Does his hair go spiky, and begin to defy gravity? Does he get adorned with some kind of Senti armour?
Nope. Nope. And nope! He sheds his clothing, and dresses up as some kind of... Sexual degenerate? ...With Nazi sympathies? Look at him! He wants to lure you down to his sex dungeon, and brand you with his Iron Cross!

Its bad enough that Prince Adam prances about in purple tights, with fuzzy uggs and matching undies, but to strip down into S&M wear? Thats just messed. Even more messed up thing is, thats the trend in Eternia. Barely covered, muscly men, in fuzzy undies and uggs. The difference is, and I can't believe I'm saying this... Some of the guys can pull it off.
Picture
If your face is nothing but a fucking skull? You can wear what ever the fuck you want, and look bad ass. Its scientific fact that skulls instantly make something metal, and thus, bad ass.
Even his supporting cast sucks! When He-Man/Prince Adam's not r'astling topless with the boys, he hangs out with Cringer, his cowardly Tiger, who is a cross between Scooby-doo and the cowardly lion. Cringer is such a pussy, in every sense, that he seems to be self aware to the point that he experiences stage fright, and stutters out every goddam line of dialogue.
Then there is Man-at-arms... who I think moon lights as the head singer to a fantasy version of the village people. I mean look at him, he has a flavour savour, cum catching mustache. He belongs in a gay porno, not a children's cartoon.


Picture
Cringer and Man-at-arms, are joined in the fraternity of people who know Prince Adams secret... (I mean the other secret, the fact that he's He-Man), by Orko. A wizard who fails frequently at casting spells... I actually like Orko. Hes silly, he's stupid, he buy's his clothing at the same place as Alvin of the Chipmunks. He's cool in my book.
Filling in the obligatory role of 'female', we have Tee-la. Who, unlike those past three, isn't aware of Prince Adam's Secret... Neither of them I'm sure, cause she seems to have a thing for him.
Tee-la is sort of the Louis Lane of the show. Prince Adam disappears, and He-Man magically shows up. Then at the end of the 22 minute toy commercial, when Prince Adam 're appears' wink, wink. She then says, “Oh Adam! You just missed He-Man.”... Shes a retard. You're a goddam grown woman, and you can't see through this disguise? They have the exact same body type and everything! They even carry identical swords! The only difference is He-Man's voice slightly, echos.
At least, according to the comics, Superman changes his voice to the point that its completely different, and he slouches, to appear weak. Fuck Superman even changes his hair cut. He-Man could instantly benefit from doing the same thing. Change your hair, gain bad ass points AND secure your secret identity.
The only thing He-man has going for him, is he has some cool allies who guest appear once and a while. Like Fisto and Ram Man... Oh shit. I don't want to think of what He-Man, Fisto and Ram-Man do when they're alone.

 

I saw this pop up on a few peoples facebooks today. Its mildly amusing I guess. People are digging it, ragging on the 'younger generation', saying all the kids shows now a days pale in comparison to ours, kids have no idea what quality is, and have no common sense. You know... all the stuff our parents said to us.

I want to cover a few things first. Regarding the glorification of the 'good old days', and nostalgia. People don't seem to realize that the reason we think kids shows now a days suck, is (Ready to be shocked) because we aren't kids.
If I was 10 years old, I'd probably watch the shit out of 'Ben 10'. Fuck, based on my interest, Amazon.ca is constantly recommending it to me on DVD.
We enjoyed our cartoons when we were kids, because all kids are retarded. We like stupid crap, and the only reason most of us don't realize it was stupid crap, is because we don't remember it all that well. Like I said when talking about 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles', most people haven't seen the cartoon in like... 15 years. You don't care about the cartoon, you care about your memories of the cartoon.

I'm very in touch with my inner child, not in a creepy way, but in a geeky way. I still watch my old favourite cartoons from time to time. And some of them hold up, I still very much enjoy G1 Transformers, 'Real Ghostbusters', 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles', and 'X-men'. I own them on DVD, or at least a season or two. And not because of pure nostalgia, but because these cartoons, hold up for me. I still enjoy them. And I also like some modern cartoons, like 'Avengers: Earths Mightest Heroes', or 'Young Justice'. I watch them weekly, and I enjoy them thoroughly.
Then there is 'He-Man and The Masters of the Universe'... I loved that cartoon when I was younger. I was constantly playing 'He-man' all the time. I learned to read through 'Masters of the Universe' books. I used to have them all, but I lost most of them through time. And the cartoon, was so epic and action packed! It was awesome... Until I reviewed a few episodes of the series, and realized it was awful. It was crap. One of our childhoods BIGGEST icons, sucked...
Anyway, I'm getting off topic, like usual.
,
I mostly want to talk about the main idea of that poster up above. 'Kids just don't have no common sense now a days'. Hmm... Well lets look at few things, like what is common sense? The idea of common sense is that, there are things that are apart of 'common experience', that become common sense.
It is common sense that you don't cover your hand in lighter fluid, and set a match to it, right?
Cause fire burns, we learn this pretty easily. We either are told repeatedly, don't put your hand in fire or you'll burn yourself, OR we do it and get burned.
A harsh lesson learned. Fire fucking hurts. Suspend your disbelief for a moment, and tell me... what would someone in a culture thats never encountered fire do, if they saw an open flame for the first time? They'd look at it, and probably think, 'Whats that?... kind of wonder what it taste like.'
Of course before they got that flame near their mouth, they'd be burned, because FIRE FUCKING HURTS.
Is this man a retard, for not having the 'common sense' to not eat fire? Or is that just not part of his 'common sense'? Cause I bet he knows a few things you don't.
'Common sense' is over blown. Since it assumes their is a common experience, our lives are closely related, but common sense does not extend beyond our natural experiences. Everything else is learned! Something may be common with in your community, or your home, but not to EVERYONE, because we all have different experiences.
Some kids know not to bug daddy when hes drinking, I mean, its common sense right? You'll get smacked. Or, its common sense that you don't swim in 'Little Lake', because well... the waters dirty, how do the tourist not know that? And it is common sense that you look for land mines when you walk into a rice field... I mean? You'd be stupid not to... Do you see what I'm getting at?
So are kids retarded? No. They're inexperienced, because they have not experienced a hell of a lot.

To get back to the poster again. The majority of the Road Runner cartoons were made between 1949-1966. In which case, this cartoon technically isn't from our generation, its from most of our parents generation. And to delve deeper into that... When those cartoons aired, there was a different idea of what 'common sense' was.
Back in the 1950's George Reeves played Superman. During his live appearances, Superman... I mean George. Would be punched, kicked and legend has it, almost shot by kids, who were confused about who he really was. Because to them, it was 'common sense' that if someone is constantly saying “I'm superman!” he must REALLY be Superman. And in the 60's cartoon, you may notice that the 'Fantastic Four' consisted of, Mr. Fantastic, the Invisible Woman, The Thing, and Herbie the robot.
A lack of 'Human Torch', why? Well... the tv executives were concerned that kids would cover themselves in gasoline and flame themselves on. Which would be a problem, because as I've discussed twice already FIRE FUCKING HURTS!
Really though, if you want to break it all down. There is nothing retarded about our generation, or the generation below us... Its our parents generation, they're retarded.

 
PART THREE

Number 5

“Where do I even get comics?”


The answer to this may seem obvious. You get comics, at a comic shop. Here is a little confession. I have never bought a comic book from a comic shop. I've bought from book stores, flea markets, venders, and convince stores. But 90% of my comics have come from the internet.

Amazon.ca is my comic book provider. I bought from Amazon because I come from a small town where there was no Comic shop. And its just so simple to put my list together months in advance, and place my order when it comes around.




Number 6.

'I don't even know what comics I'd like.'


Did you watch 'the Dark Knight', and did you enjoy it as much as I think you did? Then... why not read Batman? Here is the thing, YOU KNOW these characters, YOU KNOW their origins. You know from years of watching the cartoons, and seeing the movies, that Peter Parker was bit by a radioactive spider. You already know what you'll like as far as super heroes are concerned.

But if you're into horror stories, or scifi, what do you read? This is where I give you... recommendations.

RECOMMENDATIONS!

If you're interested in horror stories, I recommend, well... 'Walking Dead'. Most of you have probably seen the show, so... why not read the comic? Its different, and in my opinion better then the show. Or check out, though it may be hard to find, Bryan Johnson's 'Karny'. Its creepy, and funny at the same time.

If you're interested in good old straight up crime stories, I recommend 'Frank Millers Sin City', in particular, volume 7 'Hell and Back' its my personal favorite.
Or, the anthologyish series, '100 bullets'. The plot of '100 bullets' is simply cool. The mysterious Agent Graves approaches people that have been wronged in some way, and hands them a pistol and 100 untraceable bullets. He then instructs them that they may get revenge on those that wronged them, with zero consequence. '100 Bullets' is in the process of being collected in large deluxe hard covers.
I also here great things about Jason Aarons 'Scalped', which I have yet to read.

If you want a hardcore crime series, check out Garth Ennis's 'Punisher Max.' Its awesome, start with 'Punisher Born' and move onto 'In the beginning' These a HIGHLY mature books. Not for kids. If you want a more super hero oriented book, I recommend either Greg Rucka's Punisher series, which has just released its first hard cover.

Super hero books, are what we first think when we hear comics. Like I said before, DC has relaunched its universe with the New 52. If you want to get into any of the DC characters, now is the time. Marvel is a little more complicated.
My current Marvel recommendations, are Greg Rucka's Punisher, Mark Waid's 'DareDevil' and Jason Aaron's 'Wolverine'. Other then that, there is a ton of big events at marvel you can pick from. 'House of M', 'Civil War' ect. You can pick them up, and read them as just epic block busters if you like. Or of course, go back and read some Essential volumes. Just start with volume 1 of what ever an read.

If you want more detailed recommendations, I'll be happy to give them. But I'm willing to bet there is a lack of interest in this topic, so next blog post we'll just move on to my old regular stuff. Until then, please, pick up a comic, and give it a try.

 
Number 4

“There is so many comics, where do I even start?”

When you're reading a book, or watching a TV series, its natural to think that you should start at the beginning. Comics are continuous stories, a lot of which started a long time ago. So its daunting to think that you have to some how read issue one of Batman. But with comics you don't have to start at the beginning.


OPTION 1

Comics try to be easy to jump into for new readers, every comic now a days pretty much starts with a recap page, explaining what you need to know to follow the story. Really, you can just buy an issue, and just keep on buying them, and in time, you'll be IN the story. Or even get the back issues to catch yourself up.

OPTION 2

OR like I explained before, get collected editions. Remember those cheap, packed with nearly 30 issues collected editions I was talking about? Well at Marvel Comics they are called 'Essentials.' DC calls them 'Showcases'. They're big, made of cheap news print, and are in black and white.
That's what kills it for most people, the fact that they are black and white. But 'Essentials' and 'Showcases' collect EVERYTHING. If you want the story from the beginning, that is where you can start.

If black and white is a deal breaker for you, which I understand, some books don't look the greatest without the colour. Then I recommend 'Marvel Masterworks' or 'Dc Archives'. Which are colour collected editions. They're more expensive, but so is printing colour.

OPTION 3

Lets get a little more complicated. You want to read newer stories, that aren't collected in 'Masterworks' or 'Archives'. Then get Trade Paper Backs or Hard Covers. What ones do you get? Just a little bit of research is needed. Go to wikipedia, type in the title you're interested in reading into the search, and scroll down... there. That shows you what issues are collected, in which volumes. Its easy.

OPTION 4

If that's to much work, and you're lazy. Then lets go SUPER simple. Read a series... with a beginning and end. Pick up a graphic novel! You don't have to read a long series, you can read something that has a straight and narrow narrative, with no shared universe, where you have EVERY detail you need to know, contained in the single book.

A great option for this, is Japanese comics, known as Manga. Japanese comics are rarely in shared universes, and are usually contained in single books. You can read them like a series of novels in collected editions. Not sure where to start there? Well the first volume, would be the volume with the number one on it.

THE FACTS

If you want to jump onto any DC titles, now is the time. DC recently relaunched their titles, they've essentially rebooted their entire universe. The first collected editions of this relaunch are just coming out. This is literally a starting point... except for Batman. Apparently parts of Batman's continuity are still intact. Which parts? I may cover that later on.

Getting into a Marvel published book? A little tougher. Marvel has a completely uninterrupted continuity... with the exception of Spider-Man... which is complicated, and I may cover that in the future. Where should you start it? Really depends on which character you're interested in reading. That is something that I will cover later, in PART THREE when I give some recommendations.

 
The Avengers RANT

Saw the Avengers yesterday. When the movie started, I couldn't stop smiling. I was legitimately excited. Did it live up to my excitement? Oh my god, yes. The Avengers, aside from being one of the best super hero movies ever made, is one of the best action movies movies ever made.

This is the genius thing about the Avengers, it has 90% of exposition already done before the movie even starts! Meaning? This frees 90% of the movie up just to be FUN. But at the same time, rewards you for having seen the other Marvel studios films.

Watching the movie without having seen the solo movies, I'd imagine wouldn't be as gripping, but just as exciting. Every character in this movie has a moment, every character in the movie actually has a sub plot that carries them through the movie.

Remember how the X-men movies were chalk full of characters, but the only one that had much to do (aside from the melodrama of Iceman and Rougue), was Wolverine? There is non of that in the Avengers. Ironman despite having the dominant, outgoing personality, doesn't steal the show.
I don't want to spoil anything, but I have to say, this is how a team movie should be done. And Joss Whedon NEEDS to get more movies made. I love Whedon. I love Buffy, I love Firefly, his 'Astonishing X-men' run was amazing. 'Cabin in the Woods' is probably in my top ten favourite movies. He should not only be responsible for Avengers 2, he should be handed another marvel property.

This movies story is essentially an alien invasion story, but with Super Heroes. Which makes a world of difference, since alien invasion stories are so typical.
And there is all the cliches and conventions of a comic book in there too. With the heroes first meeting and having conflict, and the--... well if you don't read comics, these conventions would be spoilers. There was a moment in this movie where I knew exactly what was going to happen, but the people I was with were amazed. So I don't want to spoil anything.

I just want to say, Mark Rufflo's Hulk was as good, if not better then Ed Nortons. And I want to see him, play the Hulk in a film of his own. Its just... its just really good. The whole movie.
I didn't sit down to write a proper review obviously. I just wanted to get it out there, that this movie is amazing. I enjoyed it a lot. Hope that came across in these ramblings.

 

I don't know what I hate more. Moving or job hunting. Moving is a little more physically demanding, but job hunting is psychologically demanding. But at least while job hunting there is no couches involved. Fuck I hate moving couches. So long, and awkwardly shaped, never want to fit through doors properly. If they weren’t so damn comfortable, I'd organize burnings.


Anyway, its been a week since I've had consistent updates. So I've decided that this is the perfect time for me to... fill up your time?
Here is the deal. Films, tv shows and video games have ALWAYS been more popular with the general audience then the comics themselves. Let me put things in perspective for a moment. 'The Dark Knight' made 1billion dollars at the box office. Lets say, for simplicities sake, that the average amount to see a movie is 10 bucks. That is a 100 million people who saw 'The Dark Knight' in theatre. In DC's new 52 relaunch, 'The Dark Knight #1' Comic sold 109,321 copies. Why? Why are people so open to the idea of watching a Batman movie, but not read the comic? Well, there are many explanations.

1.Comics are lame, and for kids. (have to be diehard)
2.Comics are to much of a commitment of time.
3.Comics cost to much.
4.There is so many comics, where do I even start?
5.Where do I even get comics?
6.I don't even know what comics I'd even like.

These, are all valid reasons for the most part, I get that it is an intimidating hobby to get into on the fly. But guess what, I'm here to help you.

Number 1.

“Comics are Lame and for Kids.”

What a bunch of horse shit! You're a fucking dumb ass if you think this is true. Read 'Chronicles of Wormwood' and tell me comics are for kids. Oh wait. You’re an ignorant non comic reading fuck so you'd never read it. So how about I just tell you about it.

There is a scene in 'Chronicles of Wormwood', where the Pope, is being fucked in the ass, by a nun wearing a strap on... Yeah, give that to your nephew as a gift at his first communion.
Or even, 'Pride of Baghdad', which features a group of lions who escape from the Baghdad zoo during the opening assault by American troops. Its like Lion King sort of, except you know... with Lion rape.

There are comics for kids, teens, and adults... and for sexually charged adults. Everything from Disney to 'Two Girls One Cup' is covered in the funny books. Or, even something like... I don't know 'The Walking Dead'. Does anything about that show seem like its for children?

Here is some comic book knowledge. Most mainstream comics are for a PG 13 audience, to appeal to both adults and kids. Its actually my understanding, that the all ages market for comics is struggling to stay alive.

People who read comics when they were 14, back in 1968, kept on reading comics. They are now 44 years old. They're not interested in reading Super Hero Squad. They loved Adam West as Batman, running around with Burt Ward, but now, as middle aged men, they want Christian Bale.

There are a million comics that appeal to adults. But on the off chance that you're looking for comics for kids. Based on reputation, I can say that 'Archie Comics: Sonic the Hedgehog' is super popular, but I'd also recommend 'Archie Comics: Megaman', or anything from PaperCutz or BOOM! Studios children books. I can highly recommend, based on experience 'Darkwing Ducks' current series is very enjoyable.

But if we're talking about kids a little more mature, or kids that would appreciate more complex narratives, then I recommend older issues of... well any super hero comic. Old issues of Spider-Man, or Batman are excellent for kids.


Number 2.

“Comics are to much of a commitment of time.”

A comic book movie can range anywhere from an hour and half too two hours. 'The Amazing Spider-man' is in its late 600's. You can't be expected to read all that obviously, though I can applaud you for wanting to... and... I will explain how you can easily and cheaply later. Right now I'm going to be realistic.

Comics, like any hobby, takes a degree of time commitment. It took time to read 'Hunger Games', or 'Game of Thrones'. Most video games are around 40 hours long. You have to schedule in time to sit down and watch 'Breaking Bad' or 'Walking Dead'. Heck, 'Smallville' based around the Superman mythos, lasted ten seasons, a wide audience was committed to watching it each week, for ten years.

Laziness, is a lazy excuse. Yes, comic books do require, if you buy issue to issue, that once a month you buy a chapter. Also requires some research, and a little “general” knowledge. You don't have to read every issue of Spider-man to understand what is happening in Spider-man. But it doesn't hurt to read his Wiki page.


Number 3.

“Comics cost to much.”

Comics used to cost like 5 to 10 cents, this is back in the day when you could get a blowie for a penny. It was a golden age... for comics, not blow jobs.
Now a days, a single issue of a marvel comic in Canada, cost around 5 bucks, and 5 bucks a month is reasonable, but people hardly ever read a single comic title, so four titles? Thats 20 bucks a month, can be kind of costly... But not really.

And it can get even cheaper. I spend a different amount each month, since I collect my comics in hard cover books, or trade paper backs. This means a few things. It means that I'm months behind in stories, so I have to traverse the internet carefully or I may spoil the stories for myself. Also means I have to wait patiently for the next volume to be released.

Trade paper backs/Hard Covers can range anywhere from 15-40 bucks, some omnibus are a lot more, like 80-100, but don't worry about that. Generally collected editions, collect anywhere from 4-30 issues.
That's right, you can get 30 issues for 15$. 30 issues that individually cost around 5$. Don't make me do the math. Its obvious that is pretty cheap. I'll talk about those, cheap collections soon, actually I'll talk about the bonuses to reading collected editions period in a little.

There is also comics on disc that cost, around 50 bucks. Example of this is '44 Years of Fantastic Four' which collects 550 issues. Only problem with this is you don't PHYSICALLY have the books. But you have to understand that the issues collected are a lot of the time is really rare. And as we learned in my first blog post, rare comics can cost a LOT of money.

The point is that comics don't need to cost that much. You can read comics cheaply, or I don't know... for free on the internet. There are plenty of web comics with just as much depth and excitement as any comics on the shelves. And I'll get to them later on as well...


END OF PART 1