People always have something to bitch about in comic book movies. Collected here are the top five complaints about comic book movies that annoy me. Enjoy!


Giant Squid Monster

I'm here writing about 'Watchmen' without my copy of 'Watchmen' nearby. So bare with me if I get some facts wrong.
If you've seen the film 'Watchmen', you know in the end Ozymandias has framed Dr. Manhattan as a mass murder. This plot is tightly wrapped, very secure. All the pieces fall into place. The only problem? Its not what happened in the comics.
When ever an adaptation is made, a group of people get their panties in a bunch. This group is called, the fans. Fans usually are purest, and any changes are a slight not only against the property, but to them personally.
Example: “Kristen Stewart doesn't look anything like ME! She can't be Bella Swan.”
'Watchmen' has a huge fan base. And when it was announced that a film was being made, their pants not only bunched up, they were back drafted into their ass. People would not subtle for anything less then a exact adaptation, zero changes...
...Naturally they had to make some changes. Some for the better, some for the worse. But none got as much back lash as the ending (They changed the ending).
In the graphic novel, Ozymandias does not frame Dr. Manhattan, but instead frames a fictitious giant alien squid. The squid was designed and created by scientist and artist who believed it was for a Hollywood blockbuster.
To understand this, imagine Steven Spielberg on the set of 'Jurassic Park' had his crew create a super realistic T-rex, then killed them all. That's what Ozymandia's plan was. Its really not that big of a plot point, and I personally think the movies ending is better.
To most 'Watchmen' fans? The lack of Giant Squid Monster was the movies greatest flaw, and instantly made it shit. Which is retarded, it REALLY changes nothing in the plot. Its a superficial complaint, actually most complaints about comic book movies are superficial complaints.

Lack of costume

I'm going to admit something to you all. Its a personal belief of mine that you have to be tiny bit gay to be into wrestling, and super hero comics. Other wise, why would we be so into guys in flamboyant costumes? And comic fans are VERY picky about the costumes.
You'll get some serious backlash if your super hero movie isn't loyal to the costumes. Example, lots of people are against the new Spider-man reboot because of the costume. Lots of people were against the X-men films because of their lack of costumes. They didn't want those black leather costumes.They wanted this:

The fact is not all super hero costumes are suitable for reality. Bright yellow and blue doesn't translate well into film. Though 'X-Men First Class' did a great job mimicking the Jim Lee's yellow and blue uniforms from the 90's.
The X-men costumes are fine, but if some studios had it their way, many costumes would be altered to retarded levels. Example, Fox wanted Ben Affleck as Daredevil to NOT wear a mask. Famously Kevin Smith has told of his experiences writing a Superman sequel, where the producer (Jon Peters), didn't want Superman to wear a cape, or tights... or fly.
One of the greatest shames though is the Green Goblin in Sam Rami's 'Spider-man'. I liked the helmet version, but when I saw the test footage of the mask version? I fell in love.

Fans are picky though, and will bitch endlessly about every nitpick they can pinch between their fingers. Whether its the CGI, the costume or the characters RACE.

Changing Race


Lets go to 'the Hunger Games'. There is some character named Rue, who was black in the film and the fans were annoyed. Having not realized that Rue in the book was in fact black. Luckily racial ambiguity in comics isn't a problem since its a visual medium. And in the event that you aren't sure about a characters race, (for what ever reason), its easy to tell.
If a character is black, It'll be clear by their name. (Black Bolt, Black Panther, Bling, Brother Voodo ect). Some reason black characters don't hit it as big in comics. Maybe there is no real interesting black characters (since most are characterized by the fact they're not white), or maybe we're all just a bunch of racist.
The strange truth is, a lot of the black characters in comics, kind of need to be black. Most where made during the civil rights movement, and thus a African American super hero was quite poignant.
On the other hand, its not very crucial now a days that Peter Parker is white. He could easily be black, or Latin American, and his character would stay the same... Sadly, must people don't feel that way.
People are more enraged by a change in race then any change to plot or costume. There was serious backlash when Micheal Clark Duncan played the King Pin. There was great annoyance when Heimdall of Thor was black. And there was serious rage when a British Actor was cast as Superman.
How did all of this racially incorrect casting affect the quality of each of these films? Not at all. Comic fans just like to bitch and whine.
What is a personal nitpick of my mine is when the films affect the comics. Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) in the Marvel Ultimate Universe is not only black, but they requested that they base his design off of Samuel L. Jackson. Before that in the regular Marvel Universe (616), Nick Fury was white... At least for the 47 years leading up to the Avengers movie.
Now, for whatever reason, marvel was in love with their Ultimate Universe line for a while. Every video game based off a marvel character had the word 'Ultimate' wrenched into the title just for some kind of recognition. And the characters all wore their 'Ultimate' comics costumes... but retained all their 616 universe stories... Its all kind of confusing.
Regardless. 'The Avengers' movie needed a splash of colour beyond green, and Samuel L. Jackson was an obvious choice. Marvel worried they would confuse the general, none comic reading audience, when they decided to finally check out the source material and discover a white Nick Fury. So in their infinite wisdom they concocted a masterful plan.
It had been revealed that Nick Fury had at some point (Probably the 60s) splattered his seed into a sista. Meaning he had a illegitimate black son, named Marcus Johnson. In a mini series named 'Battle Scars'. Nick Fury retires... But not after Marcus loses his eye... here is the ending...

I'm looking for a word right now... and its not subtle.

Indian Slums & Adopted Joke

These last two are lumped together, since they're both kind of equally retarded, and both about the same movie. 'The Avengers'.
If you recall, early in the movie (I'm assuming everyone has seen it), we're introduced to Bruce Banner in what was apparently a Indian slum. He's using his medical knowledge to aid the sick there. Hes being a regular Norman Bethune... Except not a communist.
This scene didn't even register to me. I was just like, “Good Dr.Banner helping these poor sick people.” But India was just like, “Enough of this slum dog shit! We're not all that poor! We don't need fucking whites helping us!”... Yes I am paraphrasing slightly... honestly, only slightly. Also it helps if your read that line as if its being said by an angry Gerry Bednob.
Here is what I think. That 3 minute scene in 'The Avengers', didn't have people walking out of the theatre going, “Damn is India in the dumps.” By the end of 'The Avengers' people were to busy talking about the other 120 minutes. No one gives a shit about India, when their is a fucking giant green monster in the movie.
The second thing, was something that probably got a chuckle out of you in the theatre.

Thor: Have a care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother.
Natasha Romanoff: He killed eighty people in two days.
Thor: He's adopted.

Everyone in my theatre laughed, or at least it sounded that way. Apparently there was a group of people out there whose pouting was over shadowed by the yuks of the audience. This small group was the adopted.
An adoption group was highly insulted by the adoption joke. They felt it was unnecessary that they should be reminded of the fact that their parents didn't want them. So insulted as they were they did what anyone would do. Started a petition.

As noted in a petition created by Jamie Berke on Change.org, “According to your scriptwriter, the fact (Loki) was adopted is the reason he is a bad guy!...Being adopted is not something to use for the butt of jokes! Marvel, immediately cease using adoption as the butt of jokes AND issue a public apology to the adoption community!”

Holy shit. Fuck you, you adopted shit heads. Do you not shower because your worried the water will damage your thin skin? First let me explain the joke to you adopted fucks.
The fact that Loki was adopted isn't the reason he was a bad guy, the reason he was a bad guy was the fact that he's a power hungry asshole. The reason Thor points out that Loki is adopted was to distance himself by making a point of the fact that they're technically not blood.
So fuck you, and your public apology. I hope marvel makes MORE jokes about adoption just so you'll continue crying. Cause news flash asshole. No one feels bad for the kids that were adopted. People feel bad for the kids that HAVENT been adopted.
And I'm willing to bet those kids weren't offended by the joke in 'the Avengers'... Mostly because they haven't heard the joke, since they don't have parents to take them to go see it.


 

(Warning, the following is a rant regarding a fictitious character, and what is considered very old news to comic fans. Within this rant is Spoilers to the following Daredevil stories, Born Again and Guardian Devil, beware.)

(P.s, Sorry about the length.) 

Fuck Karen Page.

I'm a big Daredevil fan. I have a framed Joe Quesada, Daredevil poster next to bedroom door. My greatest comic book buy is, and probably always will be, Frank Miller's Daredevil Omnibus. He's possibly my favourite super hero. This post isn't about the man without fear though. Its about a lady named Karen Page.

Karen Page is to Daredevil, what Louis Lane is to Superman. She loved Daredevil, and Matt Murdock. When she learned they were one in the same they had a relationship that flourished. Until Karen decided to move up in life, and go from being a Law Office Secretary to being a big time actress in California.

A few years later we re-visit Karen, and shes changed a lot. She goes from the love of Daredevil's life, to being a stupid fucking bitch. She becomes a whore. And that's not a insult to Karen, that's a descriptive. She gets hooked on heroin, and starts starring in porn flicks.
We're talking those grainy, gross porn's, where you feel uncomfortably watching them cause they're so sleezy. Where the guy is ten times more vocal then the girl, and sheets in the bed are really unclean, and pillows have no cases. At least that's how I imagined them... I never gave it much thought.

One day Karen is dying for some Mexican Brown, and for a shot of the stuff she offers up on thing she has that's worth something. The secret Identity of Daredevil. Now, I know drug addicts aren't the most reasonable of people. And in the end she does try to make it right again. But the journey to that point... I think should be questioned.

First off, the info about Matt climes the ladder to the King Pin of crime. Daredevils nemesis. And as soon it gets to him, he has every step of that ladder killed. Every guy this information went through to get to Wilson Fisk is murdered. Granted these are bad men, but if we go by Daredevils personal code, he does not kill, he does not believe murder is justice, its pretty much the wrongest thing you can do.

So lets go by Kevin Bacon's, six degrees of separation. And assume that on its way to Wilson Fisk's hands it went through six peoples hands. So the death toll of Karen Page's stupid, fucking, flappy lips starts off at six.

KILLED BY KAREN PAGE IN ABILITY TO KEEP A SECRET:
6

Karen is also on the King Pin's hit list and is being hunted. She attempts to call Daredevil, and I originally believed it was to warn him, but after re-reading it, I believe its because he can protect her. She's literally, sold the guy out, then has the fucking gull to call him to save her ass? What a stupid bitch.

Karen then proceeds to rob a blind man, while searching for a man she can trade her body to for a ride across the Mexican Border, and some good old “Harry Jones.” This man then proceeds to kill two trigger men sent to kill her. Now, I'd call this self defense, but... she did kind of put her self in their sights so.


KILLED BY KAREN PAGE IN ABILITY TO KEEP A SECRET:
6 + 2 = 8.

Meanwhile, back in New York, Daredevil is half dead, and has been nearly driven insane by the King Pin. Apart of the King Pins plan involved ruining Matt Murdocks career, so a honest, good cop. Is bribed with medical care for his dying son, to say he witnessed Murdock paying off a witness. This cop is later murdered after threatening to expose the conspiracy against Matt Murdock. Also involved are investigative reporter Ben Urich and his wife. Who are both nearly killed.

KILLED BY KAREN PAGE IN ABILITY TO KEEP A SECRET:
8 + 1.5 =9.5

I'm going to try and stream line this. Karen Page ditches her escort (the guy she fucked all the way from Mexico to New York) and he takes its a little hard and kills two cops, then he himself is killed

KILLED BY KAREN PAGE IN ABILITY TO KEEP A SECRET:
9.5 + 3= 12.5

In another attempt to cover up his involvement, the King Pin has a few more people assassinated, three successfully. One of which the timid Ben Urich is forced to kill, causing some serious emotional scaring I'm sure.

KILLED BY KAREN PAGE IN ABILITY TO KEEP A SECRET:
12.5 + 4 = 16.5

The King Pin also hires a psychopathic super soldier to kill Daredevil. A news paper later reads “Dozens Dead.” So lets go with, two dozen. So twenty-four people dead there...

KILLED BY KAREN PAGE IN ABILITY TO KEEP A SECRET:
16.5 + 24 = 40.5

And, in a bid to save lives, Daredevil is forced to take a life himself, breaking his own code.

KILLED BY KAREN PAGE IN ABILITY TO KEEP A SECRET:
40.5 + 1 = 41.5


After she kicks her habit, and gets her life on track she leaves Matt for a new job on the West Coast. She then finds out that she has contracted HIV. Karma for the years of swapping dirty needles and dirtier dicks. As well as justice for all the lives she ruined for being a dumb bitch.

BUT THEN! In a contrived master plan against Daredevil, she is told a baby is responsible for her having AID's, and that if she kills the baby she'd be cured. So she begins to plot the murder of a newborn.

Daredevil too, has contemplated the murder of, and even attempted to murder of this same “evil” baby. But it is revealed that he is under the influence of a hallucinogen, which clouds his judgement and forces him to hate the baby irrationally. Not Karen though, she was fueled by cuntyness. She literally wanted to kill the baby based purely on the suggestion of it.

Shes a bitch of the highest degree. Shes a selfish whore, and when she finally is killed by Bullseye, all I can think is; YES! Finally she gets what she deserves! A metal rod through the fucking heart! The fucking pain shes caused Matt is unending though, the repercussions of her giving up his name to the King Pin never really stopped.

Even beyond that, shes fucking whore who teased Matt with her slutty demeanour. Shes that girlfriend that is poison! That one you see again and again just toying with your best friends heart. That girl that will call you when the chips are down, but forget you as soon as the sun is shining. She is a fucking succubus. And I'm happy shes dead.