Lets take a break from all the seriousness out there, and have a talk about something we all love. ZOMBIES. To be specific single zombies. All to often we lump these undead creatures together. We see them as a shambling horde, apposed to what they are. An undead army made up of individuals! So today I'm going to recognize some undead that really stand out from mob, as zombies of great distinction and class. Here is THE TOP FIVE ZOMBIES!

(This is purely my opinion, but if you disagree go a head and comment on you're own personal favourite zombie)


I keep seeing this goddamn picture of Adam Sandler in drag crushing a fucking horse. And in reply to that I offer up a cliche' “ Oh How the mighty have fallen.”

What the fuck is going on in Sandler's head? Does he have brain tumour, or growth on the interior of his skull that is putting pressure on the part of his brain that produces humour? When I showed my girlfriend the trailer to 'Jack and Jill' she replied to me, “Adam Sandler is dead to me.” And this made me question, how long exactly has he been a shambling corpse?

When did this guy go from funny man, to cinematic motaba virus? I mean I loved 'Billy Madison', 'Happy Gilmor', I can't tell you how many times I rented 'Waterboy'. And I had a friend who would watch 'Big Daddy' exclusively. Seriously it was the only movie he ever wanted to watch.

I loved those movies. But then some time after 'Mr. Deeds' he lost me. I watched 'Anger Management', and I pushed through '50 first dates', smiling at the end, because my face had cramped up from being so emotionless all the way through. And it needed to stretch.

What the fuck was going on? Why was he being so UN-funny?

Then it dawned on me, that Adam Sandler wasn't suddenly being 'unfunny' I had just grown out of him. He was no longer my cup of tea because I was no longer ten years old. I was maturing. My balls were sporting a crew cut, and pimples had taken root in my face. I was disgusting.

I had no interest in watching another film featuring Adam Sandler until 'Spanglish'. Sandler was hardly the focus of the story though, but the film was still good. It wasn't typical of Adam Sandler, it had its gimmick but didn't rely on it whole heatedly. And this direction he was going, of more “dramatic” roles that he had started with 'Punch Drunk Love' was going to be a good one, his yellow brick road.

Then he did the 'Longest Yard', which I didn't see due to my love of the original. Then it was 'Click'. My opinion of 'Click' is that it was shit, accept the end when he dies, and we get to see him be dramatic again. That dramatic bit at the end was fantastic, really they should have just cut out the gimmick of a magic remote and just had it be a story about life and how quickly it passes. Every day life is full of humour, and a comedian like Sandler could have easily drawn jokes from REAL LIFE, and created a excellent film. But instead we have him freezing time and farting in a witwouds face.

This is a good time to talk about Adam Sandler's gimmicks. Usually a story is built around a premise, but I've always felt Sandler's movies were built around gimmicks. It wasn't “The story about two firefighters getting married so they'd still get insurance.” as much as it was, “Adam Sandler pretends hes gay.” I'm getting a movie to far ahead though.

Before 'Chuck and Larry', there was a film that I just recently saw for the first time. I used it to wash the bad taste of 'Jack and Jill' out of my mouth. It was entitled 'Reign over me.' In it Sandler plays a severely psychologically damaged man who lost his family in the 9/11 attacks. He is full on dramatic, and is great. To think that he went from 'Reign over me' to 'Chuck and Larry' and 'Zohan' is sad. But not the most shocking part yet.

Next Sandler Movie I saw after 'Click' was 'Don't mess with the Zohan'. I was dragged to see it by a friend, who thankfully paid for my ticket. I'm not going to waste my time typing out my opinion of 'Don't mess with the Zohan', I'll simply defer you back to the clip of Nick Cage losing his shit.

After that cinematic mess that was Zohan, Sandler returned with 'Bedtime Stories' which was for children/I didn't see it, so I can't really knock it. But after that he joined up with his long time friend Judd Apatow to make a film called 'Funny People.' I love 'Funny People', its my favourite film featuring Adam Sandler.

I heard two frequent complaints about 'Funny People'. People say its to long, which is true. The length doesn't bother me, but I can see that complaint. The other thing is people say, “Its not funny.” My first complaint about that... complaint... is that first off, it may not be the same type of funny as 'Click', but it is very funny. Second, its not supposed to be funny you clod! The title is ironic. The movie is meant to show you a glimpse at the lives of Comedians, at different periods of their career.

One is Seth Rogen, at the start of his career, trying to find his footing and his comedic voice. The other is the big movie star George Simmions, played by Sandler, who has sold out on his comedy and is making shitty... gimmicky... huh. George Simmions is clearly based on Sandler. He is obviously poking fun at what his career has been reduced to. And that is where it gets fucked up.

HE KNOWS! He made 'Jack and Jill' knowing it was SHIT. He has openly mocked the types of movies hes pumping out, he pretty much says in 'Funny People'; “The people who like this shit are retarded.” And he STILL made 'Jack and Jill'. And people still went to go see it. I'm still forced to see ads proclaiming its DVD and Blue Ray release.

Adam Sandler is a comedic genius. Because he's openly mocked every single one of his fans. He has revealed his greatest joke in 'Funny People', and so many people missed it. The joke is, that he doesn't even need to try anymore. He just needs to make a silly sound or two, scrunch up his face in anger... and laugh all the way to the bank.