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I've mentioned at least on two occasions, that I have a hate for He-man. He was my hero, then I realized he was a dweeb of the highest order. Lets examine He-Man, and his alter ego, Prince Adam.
Lets begin with the hair cut. Its tough to have shoulder length hair, and come off as a bad ass. There are a few examples. Riggs from Lethal Weapon, Snake Plissken, Chewie.
Prince Adam though, is just holding himself back with that do. He's setting himself up for an up hill battle, the moment he pulls out his scissors, and cuts his bangs straight.
Lets move to that thing his hair is framing... His face. The animation in He-Man used a technique called, 'Rotoscope'. Where Animators take live action film, and draw over it. Giving their characters very realistic movements.
This technique didn't extend to He-man's facial features, though. He is nearly expressionless. Fucking Kristen Stewart can emote more then He-man.
Lets get back to those movements. Rotoscope is awesome, He-Man's movements are spot on, unfortunately his 'moves' are lame. The dude has a sword, he has a super, sweet sword. Does he use it ever? Of course not, that would only make him a bad ass.
Frankly, He-Man had one hope to over come his hair cut, and it was slicing off limbs with his magic sword. But no! He hardly even punches the bad guys. What he does is... Grapples. He hikes up his fuzzy undies, and wrestles, or, if I may, 'r'astles'.
He-Mans number one tactic is, pick up his enemy, raise them high above his head, (Or 'a loft') and throws them. Which is impressive, I can agree on that. Its a heck of display of strength, it blows my mind when figure skaters do it. But he's a warrior of good, not a member of the icecapades.
Week, after week, he is attacked by Skeltor and his cronies. Week, after week, Greyskull is in danger. But he wont even punch the guys. He tosses them away, which again is impressive, but not a permanent solution, its just a rough inconvenience. Its the move your dad used on you when rough housing in a pool, (rough pooling?).
Anyway, do you know what he does instead with his magic Sword? Prince Adam holds it; 'a loft'. Which is a wieners way of saying, 'above my head'. And uses it's magic to turn him into the all powerful, He-Man. What does this transformation in-tale? Does he get bigger? Does his hair go spiky, and begin to defy gravity? Does he get adorned with some kind of Senti armour?
Nope. Nope. And nope! He sheds his clothing, and dresses up as some kind of... Sexual degenerate? ...With Nazi sympathies? Look at him! He wants to lure you down to his sex dungeon, and brand you with his Iron Cross!

Its bad enough that Prince Adam prances about in purple tights, with fuzzy uggs and matching undies, but to strip down into S&M wear? Thats just messed. Even more messed up thing is, thats the trend in Eternia. Barely covered, muscly men, in fuzzy undies and uggs. The difference is, and I can't believe I'm saying this... Some of the guys can pull it off.
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If your face is nothing but a fucking skull? You can wear what ever the fuck you want, and look bad ass. Its scientific fact that skulls instantly make something metal, and thus, bad ass.
Even his supporting cast sucks! When He-Man/Prince Adam's not r'astling topless with the boys, he hangs out with Cringer, his cowardly Tiger, who is a cross between Scooby-doo and the cowardly lion. Cringer is such a pussy, in every sense, that he seems to be self aware to the point that he experiences stage fright, and stutters out every goddam line of dialogue.
Then there is Man-at-arms... who I think moon lights as the head singer to a fantasy version of the village people. I mean look at him, he has a flavour savour, cum catching mustache. He belongs in a gay porno, not a children's cartoon.


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Cringer and Man-at-arms, are joined in the fraternity of people who know Prince Adams secret... (I mean the other secret, the fact that he's He-Man), by Orko. A wizard who fails frequently at casting spells... I actually like Orko. Hes silly, he's stupid, he buy's his clothing at the same place as Alvin of the Chipmunks. He's cool in my book.
Filling in the obligatory role of 'female', we have Tee-la. Who, unlike those past three, isn't aware of Prince Adam's Secret... Neither of them I'm sure, cause she seems to have a thing for him.
Tee-la is sort of the Louis Lane of the show. Prince Adam disappears, and He-Man magically shows up. Then at the end of the 22 minute toy commercial, when Prince Adam 're appears' wink, wink. She then says, “Oh Adam! You just missed He-Man.”... Shes a retard. You're a goddam grown woman, and you can't see through this disguise? They have the exact same body type and everything! They even carry identical swords! The only difference is He-Man's voice slightly, echos.
At least, according to the comics, Superman changes his voice to the point that its completely different, and he slouches, to appear weak. Fuck Superman even changes his hair cut. He-Man could instantly benefit from doing the same thing. Change your hair, gain bad ass points AND secure your secret identity.
The only thing He-man has going for him, is he has some cool allies who guest appear once and a while. Like Fisto and Ram Man... Oh shit. I don't want to think of what He-Man, Fisto and Ram-Man do when they're alone.