Okay. Going to hit you all with piece of news, about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Then a big'ol piece of criticism.

"When you see this movie, kids are going to believe, one day, that these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely lovable."

-Michael Bay


Wow is that retarded. Michael Bay really kind of misses the point of Teenage MUTANT Ninja Turtles. Changing them to Aliens is pure retard, no two ways around it. Its retard, I know its retarded, and you all know its retarded. So I'm not going to waste much time painting a picture of how retarded it is.

What I am going to do is blast the majority of the criticizers of this news. People are using, a turn of phrase that annoys the shit out of me. “They're raping my childhood.”
Why do I have a problem with this? Well first off, I have no qualms about joking about rape, or using the word 'rape' to express hate. I do have a problem with people faking a love something from their childhood, when they REALLY only care about it in a shallow superficial level.
I get that its nostalgia, and nostalgia by nature is shallow. I understand that lots of people loved TMNT when they were a kid. But what do you actually remember about the Turtles? Sure you can remember the main casts names, and the general idea of the cartoon, but what else? When was the last time you sat down to watch the show? If it was more then ten years ago, then how in love can you really be?

And to truly look closer at what that Shit Head Bay said. He could mean they will be 'alien' in the sense that the mutiagin ooze, is created by TCRI... which is run by Alien's. Which would actually be true to the source material, the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic. In which April isn't a reporter, there is no Krang, and the turtles kill people. They also don't eat pizza, or wear different colours, they all wear uniform red, that is when the started appearing in colour... original comic was black an white. Oh, and Shredder also died in the first issue. Wow, that cartoon really did rape that comic didn't it? By changing it from being something for adults, and into something for children.

I'm being sarcastic. For anyone to care about the numerous changes between the comic, and cartoon, would mean that they would have to love the comic... Which lots of people do, but who cares about them! Most people 'love' the cartoon, and thus it is the definitive source of the turtles, and should never be strayed from EVER!... Except in the original movie series which acted as a perfect fusion of the cartoon and comic. I'm done being sarcastic now.

Anyway, I get that it was a long time ago. I can't expect you to remember every little detail about the show, and movies. But come on! are YOU a fan of it, or is YOUNG you a fan of it? There is a difference between 'loving' something, and something you 'used to love'. Just like there is a difference between your current girlfriend, and your ex-girlfriend.
I understand you don't want anything bad to happen to your ex, but really, they're your ex for a reason. You grew away from it. But that's the beauty of it, your childhood is always there in the past for you to re-visit. Just like your ex is always a viable booty call... er, maybe not the most perfect analogy.

Don't be afraid to go back and watch these cartoons you loved, maybe you'll view them and your love will be reignited, or maybe you'll hate it, and learn that your love is long dead. (This happened for me with 'He-Man and the Masters of the Universe', man was it gay.)
Really though, the fact of the matter is, no matter what shitty re-boot they create for the turtles, there will always be the comics, the cartoons, and the original movies. So please, everyone relax, and take a step back in time. Your child hood is unrapable, because its long gone. But you get to create your second childhood, and its ass hole is locked up nice an tight, in your buns of steel. You have complete control over what gets in, and what goes out. Use that wisely, and just ignore pricks like Micheal Bay.

UP DATE:

"Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world."

I've talked about adaptations before with the 'Walking Dead.' And I just want to say that this guy, doesn't get how a great adaptation works. Especially since TMNT already has a perfect adaptation, with plenty of depth, humour and edgy action. Its called 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the movie'.
As I mentioned before the Comic and the original Cartoon are very different. Thing is, I still enjoy both. Despite the differences there were changes in the cartoon that were very much improvements.
Like giving the Turtles more distinct personalities, and individual colours. In the comic you can't really tell who, is who, unless you can see their weapons, and I enjoy April as a reporter instead of a lab assistant to Baxter Stockmen.
And when they went to make the first motion picture, they amalgamated the gritty comic, with the colourful cartoon and made an excellent movie out of it. Probably one of my top five comic book movies actually.
Back in the early 2000's when the remade the cartoon, the did the same thing, pieces of the original comic book, were combined with the original cartoon. Honestly it was as good as, if not better then the original series.
Then when they went on to make TMNT the fourth, computer animated film, they said to themselves. 'We can try to retell the origin story, we can do a full blown reboot, and have everyone hate it. Or we can do a direct sequel.' Which is what they did... Was it good? Not really. The main plot sucked, but the subplot between Raph and Leo was excellent. The main plot was so contrived.
Now going ahead and making a complete reboot is a huge mistake, especially since it was already done perfectly, and no matter what, Bay's TMNT will pale in comparison. Its a dumb idea. Like I said before, retarded. On SO many levels.