Rebecca Black has released a new single, to which most of the world replied with groans of annoyance. Having heard only a smudge of the song, I can say that its no where near as annoying as 'Friday' was, and of course, will not be nearly as successful as 'Friday' was.
Believe it or not, she made a some decent coin off her song 'Friday'. As of March 2011, she had made 40,000 dollars. Seems that we all mocked her all the way to the bank.
I was eavesdropping on some strangers one day... judge me all you want... And I over heard this college girl talking to her mother about Rebecca Black, and about how there's all these poor kids that put videos of themselves online and are bullied for it. If I had been apart of that conversation I would of said, “No. They're bullied because they suck.”
You spend some time looking around on Youtube, you'll find some seriously talented people, who are praised for their skills. You'll also find a bunch that suck, who are criticized and mocked.
Obviously I do not support bullying, or... cyber bulling. BUT when you're performing, when you're presenting yourself in a media, or to the public... You'll be judged. In fact, you're ASKING to be judged. The moment you upload yourself, singing a cover of 'I Touch Myself' by Divinyls, you're putting yourself in the sights of millions of people. And... well, not everyone is going to like you, some will down right HATE you.
That is the risk you take by opening yourself up to world. You have to be aware of that risk. It takes a degree of confidence, balanced with stupidity to put yourself out there. Which are attributes that are very powerful in the younger generations, you know since, criticism is being flushed out of schools. But thank god for the internet, where everyone can criticize, without the fear of being face to face with the subject of criticism.
Naturally I'm way off track from where I'd like to be. Since, this post is in fact about... Rebecca Black, and how her song, is on my list of top five worse songs I've ever heard, and how its actually #5. Meaning this list is actually more like... four songs WORSE then Rebecca Blacks 'Friday'.
If you aren't already tone deaf... you'll be wishing you were. HERE WE GO!

Friday- Rebecca Black

Its stupid, plane and simple. The lyrics are retarded, everything in the video is so cliched that I thought it was a joke first time I saw it. Its bad... But its also done by a 13 year old girl.
She has no idea what shes singing about, this girl doesn't know what 'partying' is. What she does know is the days of the week. Is her music anything special? NO its not. But neither is half of the music on the charts. So shes not an AMAZING singer, and its kind of stupid that her parents would fork up all that money for such bad song. But in the end she made back that money, and some.
Besides, what do you want a 13 year old girl to sing about? Sucking dicks and snorting coke? Shes a wholesome, stupid, teenage girl. This is what she should be doing. Besides... Shes nowhere near as bad as the next few on this list.

3-second rule - Lisa Gail Allred

No one is sneaking a peek at you Mrs. Allred. You're like a uglier Long Island Medium, except instead of faking a career as a psychic, your faking a career as a singer. She reminds me of a comedian, who would, record his sets.
He'd often play back the tape, and question; “Where did all those laughs I heard go?... I swear I killed it.” He couldn't hear the laughs because, well... they were in his head. How does Lisa Gail Allred hear a recording of herself and go, “Yep, I can hit some downright angelic notes.” I mean look at her... is that the face of sanity?
Much like 'Friday' I heard this song and assumed it was a joke. Since first an foremost, she resembles that dog from Lady and the Tramp? You know, this one:
And Second, well... she clearly can't sing. Listen to her back up vocalist. They just don't give a shit and with good reason, the back ups cant out shine the star.
Of course, like all horrible things that make me laugh, this isn't a joke.

Kris Jenner/Kardashian 'I love my friends'

People always say that there is no talent in the Kardashian family... aside from booty shaking, while being ploughed from behind. This video proves that... right. Completely right.
Here's a shocker, you know how Rebecca Black's parents payed the bill for her music video? Well Robert Kardashian gave his wife Kris the money to make this little gem of video as a birthday present. She then, in a stroke of genius, gave the writing duties to her three children. This is back in the day when Kleo was nothing but a Ewok.
In the video she visits all of her friends, who she loves. Her friends consist of people that... serve her, in her day to day life. Like the guy at the cheese cake factory, or her gay hair dresser. My personal favourite is O.J 'I didn't do it' Simpson. Looks at his face, as his smile fades away, that's the look of a killer. They really should have used this as evidence.

Double Take – Hot girls

Ever just have too much time on your hands? Double Take has twice as much time on their hands. They decided to dedicate an afternoon to making a music video chronicling how hard it can be to be a 'hot girl.'
Their lyrics are as bad as Rebecca Blacks, but they aren't protected by their age, and their vocals are as horrendous as Lisa Gail Allred's. You know, like a cat sitting on a power drill, er, I guess two cats sitting on a power drill in the case of Double Take.
If you watch the video and think, this must be a joke, you'd be right actually. In a interview Double Take was asked, “Is this a joke.” They answered in a awkward manner, “Well... I guess its a kind of a joke.”
The joke is, the lyrics. Its supposed to be a 'funny' song, can't you tell? Weren't you doubling over in hysterical laughter? Thankfully, the songs humour was salvaged by how fucking awful they are. I think double take can benefit from a double tap to the back of the head.

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

Well, Kris Jenner's husband paid for her music video, and Rebecca Black's parents footed her bill. I'm sure you all know who paid for Willow Smiths.
If you're thinking Will Smith, you're wrong. WE'RE ALL PAYING. Every time this song is played the hole in the ozone layer grows an inch. The earth is attempting to commit suicide because of this fucking non-song.
I hate very few celebrities. Rarely do I see the point in it. I made a jab at Kristen Stewart, but I don't hate her. I don't hate Micheal Bay or Shia Lebeouf. I do however HATE Will Smith and his whole fucking brood.
Will and Jade Smith are pieces of shit in my eyes. They're trying so hard to manufacture their kids into super celebrities, that they should just change their names to Disney.
Now its nothing new that celebrities kids try to gain fame off their parents names, but a lot of the time they at least pull their own. They audition, and work to get where they want to be. Yes their last names help, their connections help, but their parents rarely go. “Here, I'll pay them off to get you that part.”
Willow Smith wasn't discovered by some talent agent! Her dad handed a blank cheque to some dude and said, “Make her famous!” And this is what was produced. In short... Its exactly what happened with Rebecca Black. The difference being Rebecca Black actually did some fucking work.
The reason this song is worse then all the rest, is because Willow Smith has a fucking unlimited resource in her parents. And she's clearly a spoiled brat, so with all that, she could have actually MADE something WORTH IT. But instead she did this trash!
There is something seriously wrong when Jimmy Fallon can improve on your song.


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